Attention: Westerners... Meet Cairo, Egypt

Many people probably aren't aware that Cairo, Egypt actually demonstrates some cutting-edge economic concepts that we westerners might want to consider adopting. Unfortunately, there is no way to portray the atmosphere of this advanced, bustling city without also addressing the chaotic conditions. I hope this helps to paint a picture of the good and the bad of the daily life on the streets of Cairo.

Admit it. You stereotype bad drivers--Asian drivers, women drivers, drunk drivers. Each one is as dangerous as the next. Well, imagine an entire population where every driver's skills are unilaterally horrible, and worse, equally aggressive. Enter: Cairo, Egypt. Not diluting this deadly cocktail any, is that anarchy is the only rule of the road. No visible lanes. No discernible traffic laws. No rights of way or apparent concern for pedestrians (this one scared me a wee bit). Then there is the constant, blaring sound of horns honking. It is a literal free-for-all once you hit the streets. This was my sobering first impression of Egypt (and I had just come from Istanbul). Yet, one thing perplexed me--there was an obvious lack of any remnants of accidents, bodies, or debris.

The first morning my friend, Heather and I waited in the lobby for our Egyptologist. She did not arrive until twenty minutes passed the designated time. Apologizing profusely, she pleaded with us to accept the condition of the vehicle, as the back window was busted out. They had had the misfortune of being in an accident on the way to our hotel. Fancy that. Now amp up the blaring sound to deafening proportions since our only barrier from the noise pollution was in a million pieces.

To aid in a truly authentic virtual experience of what it's like to get around in Cairo, continue to imagine the ear-splitting honking of horns, while also whipping yourself from side to side since there are no lanes, consistent speeds, or rules of any kind. What the streets do have is plenty of dirt, dust and trash. To complete the image, conjure in your mind a random donkey cart with a 10-year-old “driver” and miscellaneous goods traveling approximately 1/10 the rate as everyone else.

To be fair, not all donkey carts were driven by children. There were many drivers in the 75-80 year age range (personally, I found it refreshing that Egyptians do not engage in age-discrimination). Especially amusing was seeing these donkey drivers putting the peddle to the metal on the entrance ramps to the freeway. That was a sight to behold. Even months later, no matter how horrible a day I've had, recollecting that priceless image turns my frown upside-down.

This got me to thinking. With gas prices soaring, donkeys just may be an affordable solution for car owners and businesses alike. Now, before you run out and buy one, understand that there are pros and cons to owning a donkey as your primary vehicle. One benefit is that they are disposable. I haven't researched donkeys' life expectancies (in a city such as Cairo, I imagine it to be significantly less than their run-of-the-mill country cousin), but I'm sure they give any American make and model a run for it's money on longevity. When it does finally kick the bucket, you don't have to hassle with a trade or worry about it's blue book. You simply dump it in the Nile...or the Mississippi, or the Potomac...you get the point. Never mind the water supply; that's what purification is for. Besides, if it merely died from something such as old age or getting T-boned at that infamously dangerous intersection, it's not like the rotting carcass is going to contaminate anything. Right?

With all these benefits, it's hard to imagine a down side. I can only think of two. For one, you do have to feed the thing on a regular basis, probably daily, or you're sure to reduce it's life-span, or at very least, it's horse-power. Now, don't go shopping for a Prius just yet. On the bright side, these animals are happy as hell with hay. I don't know the first thing about the value of a bale of straw, but surely a dollar of alfalfa gets you more mileage than a dollar of petroleum gasoline. The one other drawback is that once it has gone belly-up (like the one I saw in the Nile), it is not often you are able to salvage spare parts from your dead donkey...although I'm sure that hasn't stopped people from trying.

In addition to people of all ages working, as well as the ingenuity in transportation, another attribute to life in Cairo is that even many of the unemployed are employed. Like any hierarchy, there are the trainers, and those in training, the delegator, and the doers. The unemployed working-class specializes in eliciting charity from passers-by using speed, persistence, and a mastery of their five senses. For example: One afternoon we were en route to our Nile dinner cruise, riding in the back of what would most closely resemble a minivan when, stopped at an intersection, Heather decided to get something out of her purse. Out of nowhere, and literally as fast as you can say “Allah”, there was a barrage of faces pressed against each of our windows! Startling the crap out of me, I unintentionally screamed, providing some laughter and amusement for the two Egyptian men in the front seat. There was a young girl on my side selling boxes of Kleenex, and since she wasn't straight-up begging (and the price was right for a buck), I decided to take one. I opened the window and went to hand her the dollar and like a magic trick, she vanished, without even handing me the tissues! I looked at my hand and the dollar was gone. I looked down by my feet, and there was the box of tissue. Damn, that girl was fast! Afterward, I jokingly chided my friend for not knowing better than to get into her purse in broad daylight. Completely forgetting the rules, I foolishly committed the same offense the very next day. I hadn't even pulled my hand out of my purse yet, when “Aah!” There they were again. I planned to ignore the onslaught of beggars this time, but Heather couldn't resist the mother with the pleading eyes, holding a baby. I opened the window so she could give her a dollar, and before I was able to get it closed again, a kid I hadn't even noticed before had his arm in my face! Pleading for a handout, he wouldn't take no for an answer. We knew that if we gave him something, there would just be another hand in my face and the cycle would never end. I started to close the window, thinking he would remove his arm, to no avail. Finally our driver starting cursing the boy in Arabic, and eventually began driving off with his hand still inside before he retreated.

These kids are good. With the unemployment training they have already received and perfected, they may never have to hold down a legitimate job. They probably even have an arrangement to get free public transportation to and from work by simply hopping on the back of an empty cargo wagon. Heck, if they're really smart and they start investing their money while they're young, they could build quite the little egg's nest by the time the lazy kids here in the States are just graduating middle school. Instead of sitting in climate-controlled conditions all day, socializing with their friends, they ought to be out earning their xbox money.

The moral of this rambling: The first two C's of Cairo may be Crowded and Chaotic, but it's Cutting-edge resourcefulness is something to be reckoned with. Consider my previous points:

--They encourage citizens of all ages to work. They avoid prejudicial laws that prohibit child labor. Furthermore, they do not provide retirement funds which advocate the elderly to quit working.

--They implement ingenious resourcefulness by utilizing their livestock to double as their family vehicle or company car.

--They have a lenient policy allowing for cheap and easy disposal of shotty transportation.

--It's massive unemployed population are leading entrepreneurs in the begging industry, using honed skills of relentless persistence, x-ray vision, and super-human speed to turn a buck.

Now don't just take my word that we have something to learn from all this, go check it out for yourself! If you've never been to a second or third-world country, you are truly missing out. It's an experience more spoiled American's should have.